» Listings for March 2025

1. MY OBITUARY

   Posted on 12:00pm Saturday 22nd Mar 2025

   This morning, I was sitting in the plenary session of the Scottish Association of Writers Annual Conference, thinking my thoughts and half-listening to the Chairman's opening address, which was followed by obituaries for members who had passed away since the previous conference.

   'That's shocking,' I heard the lady behind me remark to her neighbour. 'I was talking to him last night and he looked so well.'

   I looked up at the big screen and there, under obituaries, was my name in large letters. I raised my hand and shouted: 'I'm still here!' That brought the house down. The biggest laugh I've ever achieved.

   I had sent in an obituary for Robin Lloyd-Jones, a member of my Helensburgh Writers Workshop, but somehow my name had made it on to the obituary list but it was not bad news. Everyone attending the Conference now knows who Eric Thompson is. Best publicity I've ever had. (Wish it could have been for my writing).

2. THE POINT IN BEING HUMAN

   Posted on 12:00pm Wednesday 5th Mar 2025

   Some weeks ago, I arrived in Glasgow's Queen Street station from Edinburgh and feeling the need to answer the call of Nature, I headed for the station's new superloo, only to discover that I needed a fifty pence coin to operate the turnstyle. I had bank notes and bank card but no coins, and there was neither card payment nor change machine available. My need turned from desperation to panic.

   I was just contemplating how to climb over the turnstyle and risk any penalty when what could best be described as a 'common old working chap' (a line from the song, 'I belong to Glasgow') arrived. 'Do you need a fifty-p coin?' he asked, recognising my problem.

   'Yes,' I replied. 'I have notes and a bank card but no coins.'

   'There you are,' he said, handing me a fifty-p coin. He looked at my wife and asked if she needed one as well. 'Yes,' she replied. He gave her a fifty pence coin too.

   'That is so incredibly kind of you,' I said.

   He looked at me as if I were a bit dumb and replied: 'If you can't be kind, what's the point in being human?'

   ----

   There was a sequel to this. When we emerged from the Gents, I pulled a £5 note from my wallet and offered it to him but he refused to take it. 'Take it,' I insisted, 'and donate it to your favourite charity.'

   He thought for a moment; then took it. 'I'm taking my granddaughter to the football tonight. I'll give it to her.'

   'Football tonight', I thought. The only game in Glasgow that evening was a Rangers UEFA Cup game. This kindly man was a Rangers fan - and so was I, but neither of us was wearing any football insignia. That just goes to show that the much-maligned football fans are not all thugs and hooligans.

   'If you can't be kind, what's the point in being human?' I shall never forget that remark.