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It will be of little interest to you but today I decided on divorce from BT. They have: failed consistently to deliver a broadband speed that beats semaphor; kept trying to sell me BTSport, which I can’t receive by semaphor; have consistently sent me round in circles, via Mumbai, North Korea, South Wales and probably the moon when I seek their help or try to complain. Now that I have decided to cut them off without alimony, they’re offering me free semaphor flags, a discount and a padded cell for my garage, all too little too late. I am resolute. I’m switching to Plusnet who from the kick-off have mispelt my name as Fredric, got my e-mail address wrong so I have not received their introductory guff, and have given BT the wrong date for my switch-over. So it’s onwards and downwards. But worry not. At the end of the technological rainbow is a furlined padded cell.

Keep smiling and don’t forget to send flowers.

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